The cancer moon this week spurred me into a deeper look into my own "feeling" self. I have a long history of listening to my mind the majority of the time and tossing aside any feeling bodily wisdom as irrelevant. For many years I was a triathlete and through physical intensity taught myself to override anything my body told me that contradicted what my mind (ego) wanted to do. I of course found that this could spill into anything I wanted to do. Override feeling, forge ahead. So when I found yoga and wanted to start listening to my intuition and my own intuitive guidance, I found that it was really hard to know what that voice sounded like. I had not recognized that voice as an equally wise and strong part of myself. I thought I was just my mind (ego). Well, maybe I knew that I was not just my mind but my actions did not echo this. (I seem to notice that I "know" a lot with my mind that I do not really yet "know" within me...seems like that much to my dismay "knowing" is a process. Oh, how impatient I am!) I felt that "feeling guidance" was weak and mind guidance must be more tough and that is what it takes to get along in this world..right? Problem is that we are surrounded by contradiction. One study says A is the best thing for your body and study B says it will kill you. Your friend says go for it and your other friends says no way. How can we ever sort it out? We sort it out with our bodies wisdom..that "feeling" place...the gut instinct...that feeling you get when you know something is right even if logic would say it was totally wrong. The feeling you get when you get into a pose and you know that it just does not feel like a good idea or it just feels icky...and sometimes our mind overrides us and says do it..the teacher said to..everyone else is or on the contrary the mind tells you "You cannot do this. It is really hard. You are not strong enough. You don't want to look ridiculous.",, but nothing inside our body is telling us that same message. That is the fear talking! My point with all of this is to say that we are not just mind and we are not just body. No shock there. To be authentic to ourselves we must recognize that both parts of our self need to be heard and recognized. A lot of us (including myself) make decisions from one place whether is it on the mat or at work or anywhere. We can only truly step into ourselves when we start to see that each voice has a purpose and our true wisdom comes from the space that is found amongst them. In the space between. We need to feel it out and use the mind to translate.
My challenge this week for my classes is to watch the place of decisions and actions on the mat. What voice are you adhering to? Can you make decisions that feel authentic to all parts of you? Can you choose to up level because it uplifts? Can you pull back because it soothes you? Can you feel your decisions in your body and know what resonates and what does not? Are you giving in to the "shoulds" and if so who does that please..your authentic self or others description and wills to be your authentic self? Be aware. This is tough work. Don't beat yourself up if you notice that you are not making authentic decisions. It took a lot of hard work to get to the point of even discovering that you are not being authentic. Excite in the fact that a hidden part of you gets to be revealed a little more each day!
Cheers on your path to being more of yourself!