This last week has been one in which I have had to practice compassion for myself on forgetting what I thought I had "learned" and sworn to never repeat. Funny how I would expect that a new insight would just erase my past patterning that had been ingrained in my actions for many years. Accidentally (or not), a story I had found from a friend Mark fell out of my yoga notebook this week to remind me of what I needed to remember...that it is not that we vow to never to forget but that we learn to remember so much more quickly and with a new awareness each time . I will share the story that Mark shared...
"My life in 5 Chapters"
I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I fall in. I am lost. I am helpless. It isn't my fault. It takes forever to find a way out.
I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I pretend that I don't see it. I fall in again. I can't believe that I am in the same place again. But it isn't my fault. It takes a long time to get out.
I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I see it there and I still fall in. It is a habit...but my eyes are open and I know where I am.
I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it.
I walk down a different street.
I think part of waking up to being conscious in our every day life is accepting that when we see our outgrown habits and patterns that we realize that one it took a long time to create them and so we need to accept that it will take some amount of time to unravel them so that we just "walk down a different street". The process of revisiting them can be more of a interesting game of watching how differently we respond each time. We rarely respond the exact same way. Each time we may see the pattern more quickly, perhaps even change how to respond, we may see it coming even..really the point is just to notice and not judge or condemn. That never seems to make matters any better.
I will end with my favorite new quote...
"I know that I know and that I don't know. But I forget.
I see that I am blind and I see the blinding light in everything, but I forget.
I see what I know I think. I know what I see But sometimes I forget.
And this is the way it should be. At the end of every forget I remember.